Manual Learning Curves: A Novel of Sex, Suits, and Business Affairs

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Before Ice-T even finishes his hilarious scowl of surprise, Alejandro is abducted by a bunch of thugs who stuff him into a van, take him to a dingy apartment, and beat and sodomize him with a baseball bat while yelling gay-bashing insults.

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Ice-T is outraged, but the top brass take him off the case. Good call, top brass. Of course, Ice-T goes rogue and keeps investigating. Bad cops! No donut! SVU arrests all of the gang members involved. Another man is soon abducted, pulled into a van, assaulted and gay-bashed. Our second victim is played by Tony Hale, the actor known for his hilarious portrayal of Buster Bluth on Arrested Development. Our detectives scratch their collective heads.

With all the gang-bangers locked up, who assaulted Buster? We soon learn it was the pugnacious grocer father of a student at the school where Buster taught.

But why? Well, that gets complicated. After a quick chat with Martha Stewart convincing as a prim and proper headmistress , our detectives learn that Luca was having sex with his curvaceous blond biology teacher. He made up the other allegations to cover for their illicit relationship. So Luca goes to her classroom and slits her throat with the least-frightening weapon of the season, a tiny frog-dissecting scalpel. We close with Nick convincing the blood-soaked boy to drop the scalpel rather than commit suicide with it.

I find it remarkable that SVU ran this episode about gay marriage and hate crimes on the same day that President Obama announced his support for same-sex marriage. This season, SVU has had a near-psychic ability to run episodes at exactly the right time — sometimes even scooping the real news. SVU creators, what kind of dark magic are you working over there in the writers room? There really was a case involving a man who was allegedly kidnapped, tortured, and sodomized by a gang of young men in Brooklyn. Hate crimes against members of the lesbian, gay, bi and transgender community are on the rise — and tend to spike in response to gay marriage initiatives.

Minorities and transgender victims are the least likely to come forward. Everything would have been suppressed. I like a good confession as much as the next prosecutor. All our beds are extra long, and the cottages come complete with all the bedding and linens. Kitchen and bath towels are changed daily. All cabins also receive wireless internet. Kitchens are fully equipped with modern electric ranges. Every cottage includes an electric toaster, coffee maker and microwave.

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Learning Curves

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